Renunciation does involve discrimination.

Within the basic context of openness there is a discipline of what to ward off, or reject, and what to cultivate, or accept.

The positive aspect of renunciation, what is cultivated, is caring for others.

But in order to care for others, it is necessary to reject caring only for yourself...

Although the warrior's life is dedicated to helping others, he realizes that he will never be able to completely share his experience with others.

The fulness of his experience is his own, and he must live with his own truth.

Yet he is more and more in love with the world.

That combination of love affair and lonliness is what enables the warrior to constantly reach out to help others...

The warrior discovers a greater universe and a fuller and fuller broken heart.

This is not something to feel bad about: it is a cause for rejoicing.

~ Chogyam Trungpa

What do you think
Of a freedom that never happens?
What do you make
Of a life that won't go away?

In seeing things
To be or not to be
Fools fail to see
A world at ease.

For Gautama,
In whose embrace
Dharma was shown
And opinions vanished.

In a single grain of sand
Rests the whole universe,

And in a single star twinkling
The vicissitudes of a millenium.

In the boundless universe,
O this infinitesimal life of mine!

But as a being so infinitesimal,
How light-hearted I can be!

On the yard I swept clean, worrying
If my steps would disturb
The starlight showering.
From the tree falls
A single leaf
Silently.

The little film above addresses the issue of depression and suicide amongst young people here in N. Ireland. It stars Eamon Johnston, he's the young dark haired guy.

Eamon knew something about these things, and at the same time was filled with a zest for life which was contagious. Living in a deeply homophobic society Eamon was not afraid to raise his head above the parapet. Four years ago at just age 18 Eamon won the title of Mr. Gay Derry 2003, and used that position to help bring change. At the time he told the local press ""I was pretty nervous about the Gay UK thing... my feeling now is this: you have to be seen out there, you can't hide in a corner or we'll never get anywhere".

Eamon went on to receive training and provide counselling to other young gay, lesbian, and bisexual people in Derry through The Rainbow Project. He was a shining light for many people in their hour of darkness.

Yesterday something became too much for Eamon, and at just 22, Eamon took his own life.
Even the brightest lights experience hurt and pain when you stand on their toes.
And this is a society which doesn't mind doing just that, with even church and government figures preaching the sinfulness, harmfulness and repulsiveness of being gay. This makes a total of eight suicides in the area in just a few months.

Earlier this week i accepted a new job as co-ordinator of a local charity, a partner group of The Rainbow Project, providing telephone helplines, befriending services, counselling, and safe meeting places to members of the gay, lesbian, and bisexual community here.
The gravity of this work sunk in today when i learnt of Eamon's death.
There is a sadness. And a firm resolve.

Some words from Maura O'Halloran come back to me. Maura was a young irish zen master who herself died aged just 27. She said something like;

"I was not born
Will not die
For I am
Nothing.
But please,
do not stand on my toes."

Here's a nice little video from Brother David Steindl-Rast. 

I met Brother David at Tassajara a couple years ago when he was having public dialogues with Haller Roshi.  He's a very inspiring figure.  He teaches the simple practice of gratitude as a way of transforming our own life and that of others. When we really have eyes to see and ears to hear, we can't help but wake up enough that everyone we meet can be blest through simple presence.

As a young Benedictine monk, Brother David had studied at Tassajara with Suzuki Roshi,
where he's still affectionately known as Brother David the Dishwasher.
Whilst working in the kitchens there he had placed a little sign above the sink which read
"Please handle these dishes as carefully as you would the vessels on the altar."

Or something close to that anyway!  :)
I remember the spirit of the words more than the actual words maybe.

Simple presence here now, wholehearted activity, gratitude...

http://www.gratefulness.org/

So two years ago i was staying at San Francisco Zen Center for a three week intensive.  Somewhere towards the end of the second week i think, my teacher Ryushin Haller Roshi asked if anyone would like to accompany him to meet a ship arriving in the harbour. The ship was the Nippon Maru and on board were some Zen monks from Japan carring the Atomic Flame. The flame had been lit from the burning embers of Hiroshima sixty years previously and kept alight ever since. They were walking with it back to the military base where the bomb had been constructed. By doing so they were closing the circle of pain and beginning anew.

It was an honour to join these monks in walking meditation through San Francisco. I remember the intense heat of the day, standing in the burning Sun and listening to the anguish, tears, forgiveness, and sheer humanity of a Hiroshima survivor. I remember how he pleaded for people to understand that our protests against injustice must never be clouded by anger.  I remember later that night sitting once more in the zendo and crying a single tear for humanity. I learnt a lot about acceptance that day.

Here's a little film about it made by Steven Segal.

So i've got a lot of emails to catch up on. I'm getting there slowly.
Apologies if yours is amongst them!  :)

I've been a little taken the past week with the Shakuhachi.
I'm pretty awful with it so far but am pretty impressed with how quickly it has become much more than 'my latest toy'. 
It's the sound of Buddha :)  
[ok so is crazy frog but crazy frog has quite a different effect on me!]

I came across this wonderful activity through the playing of Nyogetsu Reishin (or Ronnie if you prefer). Ronnie was the first non-Japanese to be recognised as a GrandMaster. Hopefully i can travel to study with him some time in the next year.

Here's Ronnie playing Koku (Bell ringing in the empty sky).
It is said to have been composed after the death of the Zen monk Fuke-Zenji, patriarch of the shakuhachi, who in life is supposed to have walked around ringing a small hand-bell. In the legend the monk predicts the day of his own death. When the villagers hear of his death, they open his coffin and find it empty. However, they look to the sky and clearly hear the sound of a bell getting fainter, as if ascending to the clear, blue sky.
Erm, ok...   Anyway enjoy...

 

This morning i sat by the ocean. And the ocean sat in me.

Oh, and although a passing dog did sniff around, it decided to piss somewhere else.
Always a bonus.
:)