Look, it's spring.

And last year's loose dust has turned into this soft willingness. The wind-flowers have come up trembling, slowly the brackens are uplifting their curvaceous and pale bodies. The thrushes have come home, none less than filled with mystery, sorrow, happiness, music, ambition.

And i am walking out into all of this with nowhere to go and no task undertaken but to turn the pages of this beautiful world over and over, in the world of my mind.

Therefore, dark past,
I'm about to do it.
I'm about to forgive you

for everything.

- Mary Oliver

So we can read different definitions of Mushotoku.
Maybe its one of those concepts which you can only really learn from your teacher's example and your own practice. Words don't quite capture it.

But it is a key concept, a way of living life, a way of being. So we need to say something.
The definition used here is pretty wordy and comes from YakRider. It gives a good sense of what we're talking about.
 

In the West we find this idea objectionable because we are very goal-oriented. We are conditioned to see goals as very important. Without goals, you're nothing! Useless and a bum. And profit? Well, our society is built on profit-seeking! When we ask "why?" we mean, of what use is it, or how does it profit? In Zen, the main discipline, Zazen (sitting meditation), is to be practiced mushotoku : without desire for gain or profit, without any goal.
    When Zen master Taisen Deshimaru was questioned by a western student, "What does Zen contribute to the mind?" Deshimaru answered:
"Nothing. You must not want anything or have any desires at all....It is very important to have no object in mind, to make no 'use' of zazen. Zazen is not a means to something....It's as if you were painting and consciously wanted to create a masterpiece; when the work was finished, it would never be better than mediocre. But if you are truly concentrated and have no object in mind, you may be able to create something beautiful.  The highest dimension of spiritual life is Mushotoku, without a goal, no-profit." [Questions to a Zen Master, trans. and ed. by Nancy Amphoux, Arkana, 1981.]

Do you understand the difference between a game that is played to win something and a game that is played just to play? Or the difference between traveling to "get there!" and traveling that is just wandering, enjoying the present?  We feel we must always go for practical results, and motion must always get somewhere. But there is another kind of motion, called dance. It has no destination, no goal, no profit. In Sanskrit there is a similar term, nishkarma, which means action or doing (karma) without attachment, especially without attachment to the results of action, and it is the main point of the Bhagavad-Gita.

Imagine certain prayer also as Mushotoku: no shopping list, no "praying because I'm supposed to," that is, no praying with the purpose of aligning God to my ego-attachment. Instead, there is just silent awareness, abiding, trust -- no troubling of the mind with goals or objects, no "getting something out of it." It is only the ego-self that seeks goals or profit in compensation for it's so-called disciplines. In anything done mushotoku the illusion of the "I" as an isolated ego dies. In St. Paul's terms the death of the ego-self or death of the "old man" is sometimes called "being crucified with Christ," and the old nature, the old way of seeing, dies. Deshimaru speaks likewise of zazen as "getting in your coffin." No ideas of attaining or advancing or "getting something" from the practice -- those ideas just feed the illusion of the self which is separation. Mushotoku, because there is no attained destination: zazen is already there (or here). The highest or deepest form of prayer is likewise, already there.

So pretty simple huh?
But say we're not a monk living in a monastery fulltime and we've got bills to pay.
Today i interviewed for a new job. Was it my goal to get that job?
Well yes it was in a way, but if i don't that's cool.
To me this is another sense of Mushotoku. Its Nishkarma. No attaching to goals. Then we don't create problems for ourselves when we don't get what we want.
We can do our best towards a particular outcome or goal simply because its the skillful and appropriate thing to do but there's no attachment to the outcome.
No actor, nothing acted upon, just the reality of action.

So its the same reality of just action as zazen being practiced mushotoku.
But there is a difference; zazen has no goal, in daily life we have to have goals even if they're ones we don't attach to.

Mushotoku practice enables Nishkarma practice.

Anyway this is just what the process of promoting myself in an interview brings up for me today.

 

What is enlightenment? What is delusion?

Students of Dogen and other great masters may understand this; some will, some will not. Yet Dogen was pretty clear on the subject. Our living practice can be just as clear.

Ok this profound mystery can't be adequately explained so why say anything at all? Two key words in Dogen's Shobogenzo are ‘Genjo' and ‘Doshu'. For our purposes Genjo means realization, Doshu means the expression of realization.

We can say that Shakyamuni Buddha had complete, perfect and unsurpassed realization when he saw the morning star but he still had to seek out his five former ascetic companions to express it, thus turning the dharma wheel.

Dogen says " ‘A greatly enlightened person is nevertheless deluded' is the quintessence of practice." Now isn't that clear? Yeah if you're familiar with Dogen's way of saying things. But do we really accept this statement with all our being , not just with our intellect? If we're not familiar with Dogen or some part of us still likes to view enlightenment as some mystical state to be attained then this statement is really worth exploring. If a commentary helps I'd recommend Hee-Jin Kim who I'll summarize with this post.

This statement of Dogen's was a response to this koan:

"A monastic once asked Great Teacher Pao-chih: ‘What is it like when a greatly enlightened person is nevertheless deluded?' The teacher replied: ‘A shattered mirror never reflects again; a fallen flower never returns to the tree.'"

Taking this koan to represent "the non-attached, self-emptying, traceless state of realization on the part of the enlightened one, who is thoroughly immersed in delusion and yet completely free of it" is to miss the dynamic interplay of delusion and enlightenment in their duality and nonduality.

Dogen comments "The greatly enlightened person in question is not someone who is greatly enlightened from the beginning, nor is the person someone who gets and appropriates it from somewhere else. Great enlightenment is not something that, despite being accessible to everyone in the public domain, you happen to encounter in your declining years. Nor can it be forcibly extracted through one's own contrivances; even so one realizes great enlightenment without fail. You should not construe nondelusion as great enlightenment; nor should you consider becoming a deluded person initially in order to sow the seeds of great enlightenment.

A greatly enlightened person is further greatly enlightened, and a greatly deluded person is still greatly enlightened as well. Just as there are greatly enlightened persons, there are also greatly enlightened buddhas, greatly enlightened earth, water, fire, wind and space, and greatly enlightened pillars and lanterns...

Consider this further. Is a greatly enlightened person who is nevertheless deluded the same as an unenlightened person? When being nevertheless deluded, does a greatly enlightened person create delusion by exerting that enlightenment?...

And is the "greatly enlightened" one hand and the "nevertheless deluded" the other? In any event, you should know that to understand ‘A greatly enlightened person is nevertheless deluded' is the quintessence of practice. Note that great enlightenment is ever intimate with great delusion."

Elsewhere in the more famous GenjoKoan, Dogen made it simpler:

"Those who greatly enlighten delusion are buddhas; those who are greatly deluded about enlightenment are sentient beings."

For anyone still not getting the point, Hee-Jin Kim interprets it this way.

Dogen repudiates all views of enlightenment as something we are innately endowed with, or as something we can acquire as a thing or object, or as something that arises due to some chance occurrence.

Enlightenment-Delusion; the relationship is not that where one negates the other, or is the absence of the other, nor does one come before or after the other.

Yet enlightenment "must neither descend to, nor incarnate as, delusion" and is "ever intimate with and transparent to delusion." This intimacy suggests the nonduality of delusion and enlightenment and intimates lively tensions between the two.

They are different perspectives, not metaphysical opposites or polarities.

"They are orientational and prespectival ‘foci' within the structure and dynamics of realization. As such, their boundaries, though provisional, always remain and are never erased. Yet they are permeable."

So enlightenment does not replace delusion but negotiates delusion in a manner consistent with its principles. Like any other methodological designations, enlightenment and delusion have no independent self nature; they are dependant on each other. "They are not metaphysical opposites in eternal struggle, nor do they collapse in the mystical coincidence of opposites, nor are they polar principles that posit a preordained universal order or harmony above and beyond them. They are soteriological tools to guide practitioners in the dynamic workings of realization."

Just as moonlight illumines the Earth at night, so does Enlightenment illumine Delusion (the depths of human nature that have hitherto been unknown, unnoticed, unfathomed by practitioners). We become aware of our moral, emotional, existential doubts, anguishes and ambiguities.

Yet Dogen said "Nothing in the whole world is ever concealed".

So light does not eradicate darkness enabling the hidden to become visible, because "originally nothing is hidden, and accordingly, light does not need to replace darkness."

All light does is  illumine and penetrate darkness's depths in a perpetual process of dialogue.

This is interplay not adhesion or union, this is Dogen's mysticism of intimacy, a dynamic relationship that informs, challenges, negotiates, and transforms.

It's not so different from the fact that we each have an individual bodymind and are simultaneously interdependent with the bodyminds of all beings. Shunru Suzuki Roshi said "Not one, not two..."

Dogen concludes "To add a little to a large amount is ‘great enlightenment'; to take a little from a small amount is the ‘nevertheless deluded'...You should examine and act upon whether this present self is ‘nevertheless deluded' or not. This is the way you meet with the buddha-ancestors."

Now I'll shut up and go sit on a cushion.   :)

"smoke waved from
an incense stick
a thousand years ago
brings tears to the eye"

- anzan hoshin

Rumi the poet was a scholar also.
But Shams his friend, was an angel.
By which i don't mean anything patient or sweet.
When i read how he took Rumi's books and threw them
            into the duck pond,
I shouted for joy. Time to live now,
Shams meant.
                          I see him, turning away
casually toward the road, Rumi following, the books
floating and sinking among the screeching ducks,

oh, beautiful book-eating pond!

- Mary Oliver

There's a wonderful series on in the U.K. on BBC2, called 'The Retreat'.
Its about a group of muslims and non-muslims on a 'classical islam' retreat in Spain.
The main teachers are from the Sufi tradition, and its interesting to watch how they introduce the concept of 'presence' to those who have little life experience of 'being present', and to those who get too wrapped up in the words and formulas their tradition uses.

Words and books are useful but when they get in the way, throw them in the pond.
Zen? Sufism? etc? etc? Time to live now.
The zen of Zen...

This morning with our car we killed a dog,
and inattentive laughter became silence.
Death happens suddenly, and with such final certainty.

This brother of mine
is still and quiet now. I placed him
beneath a large guardian oak tree, by the side of the road.

Guilt too is part of our life.
A dog's buddha nature disguised
by the mangy coat he wore; yet he wore it for me...

There is something beautiful
and beyond comprehension, which has gone from his eyes;
but has not really gone. Life does not become death.

A poet wrote that we should love what is mortal
and when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go...

Birds sing, yet flowers still fall.
Smiling, crying, myriad dharmas sparkling...
Goodbye little brother.

Sometimes its real easy to be at home in muddy water, just like the lotus.
Its a wonderful image.
But sometimes we allow ourselves to get so comfortable there that we forget that we're a lotus, and we become muddy water.
We get caught and start savoring samsara, a little too much.

But something doesn't feel right, and our vow to practice intimately keeps demanding our attention. We go away and we come back, we go away and we come back.

The past week has been like this for me, and it was a surprise.
Its easy to take strength of practice for granted, so what happens when it becomes like a slippery eel?
What is it i demand of myself anyway? What is my innermost request right now???

Maybe just to keep sitting is enough. And for the good friend who reminded me to be gentle with myself and not just with others, thank you.  I don't know how many times i've offered those simple words to others. Why did i need to hear them myself?
Being human, resisitng practice, embracing practice...

This morning i awoke with a great sense of clarity.
I recalled a dream during the night, with such a penetratingly clear message that i feel somewhat invigorated. Now i haven't practiced dream yoga since i came to Zen from the Tibetan tradition, but hey, i'm grateful.

Zazen unlocks all those doors in our attics, even the ones we forgot were there.
We discover those things in the past which we didn't realise we were still holding onto, and we can finally let go. Really let go.
And we see why we got caught, why savoring samsara seemed like such a nice distraction.
And once more we can be like the lotus in muddy water, perfectly at home AND aware that it IS a lotus.

Just sitting, Being Human, Endlessly.
Leaving no trace....

"A clay Buddha cannot cross water.
           A bronze Buddha cannot get through a furnace.
                           A wooden Buddha cannot get through fire." - Master Joshu

"One kind of Buddha will not serve your purpose completely, you will have to throw it away sometime, or at least ignore it. But if you understand the secret of our practice, wherever you go, you yourself are 'boss'. No matter what the situation, you cannot neglect Buddha, because you yourself are Buddha. Only this Buddha will help you completely."
- Suzuki Roshi

"Still, what I want in my life
is to be willing
to be dazzled -
to cast aside the weight of facts

     and maybe even
     to float a little
     above this difficult world.
     I want to believe I am looking

          into the white fire of a great mystery.
          I want to believe that the imperfections are nothing -
          that the light is everything - that it is more than the sum
          of each flawed blossom rising and fading.  And I do."

               -Mary Oliver

Nothing special.
We hear it a lot in Zen.
How about everything is special?

All are blessed.
"That which we have chosen is given us. And that which we have refused is also and at the same time granted us".
When we reunite with our own self-nature we see that it is so.
Is this one? Is this two?
The blessing is the marvel, the not-knowing, the plenitude of that.

Not one, not two.
The moment when we find that which is apparently split was whole from the beginning.
When time, so apparently lost to us when we are split from ourselves, turns back upon itself.
And thats just an ordinary miracle in zazen, it happens all the time.
Master Dogen called it the dharma gate of ease and joy.
Is that ordinary...special...material...spiritual?

Why worry? What does matter is that we become more able to tolerate the dissolving of our own boundaries, and more free in our minute amazing differentiation. We rejoin the original ground of our own being, which can bless everything just as it is, with acceptance.

The moon and the clouds are the same,
Mountains and valleys are different.

Whether we make the special ordinary, or the ordinary special, let's appreciate this magnificent endless mistake we call human life.

I'm reading Susan Murphy today. There are so many 'western zen' books around now. It's always a joy to find one which doesn't reduce zen to some dry lifeless psychology.
Even so this dry lifeless psychology is also a part of the magnificent mistake.

Here's to each flawed blossom rising and fading, and just being a flawed blossom rising and fading.
Here's to that which is more than the sum of each flawed blossom.

We are participants at a sumptuous feast, and we ourselves are the feast.
Nothing special is useful teaching. Everything is special is useful teaching too.

Let's enjoy the feast though!

So last weekend we had a wonderful friend Andre Elsen visit our Zen Centre from Germany to lead a weekend event. In a sparkling dharma talk on 'Clarity of Intention' the deep question of "what nourishes you?" was asked.

And before the good zen student within could answer "zazen", it was made pretty clear that that's not what is being asked.

So what is it that nourishes us in our everyday life? What are those activities with which we naturally find complete absorption, a sense of joy, a sense of being renewed and energised?
Painting? Mountain-climbing? Gardening? Writing?
It's different for everyone.

So these last few days i've paid careful attention to all my activities, noticing their qualities, how they make me feel, asking "does this nourish me?".
At first it felt a little like how Buddhists might traditionally monitor behaviour with Sila in mind - "does this behaviour support awakening?".
And in a way it is the same, but it's also very different. There's a much lighter and more playful touch to it. It can help us find that wholehearted effort which is without strain, effortless effort.
Activities within which the "I" disappears, and which at the same time i am nourished and revitalised by.

So we also did some QiGong last weekend, and these last few days i've found that this is one such activity which deeply nourishes me; (chanting is another). Fortunately i've been able to make arrangements today to meet with Master Zhu Chang Hai so that i can study more deeply the internal arts of QiGong and TaiJiQuan on a weekly basis.

When the "I" disappears these activities aren't so much behaviours to support awakening as expressions of awakening.

Master Dogen wrote: "To study the buddha way is to study the self. To study the self is to forget the self. To forget the self is to be actualized by myriad things. When actualized by myriad things, your body and mind as well as the bodies and minds of others drop away. No trace of realization remains, and this no-trace continues endlessly. "

Forgetting the self, finding the true self, being the real you, that's all.

Do you know the great Hasidic master Zusya?
On his deathbed as the crowds gathered round wailing, he had this last teaching for them.
"When i get there, they will not ask me "Why were you not one of the great ones?" They will ask me "Why were you not Zusya?"

Susan Murphy asks "What if we were given a life and never lived it? What if we lived instead a little way off from our lives, and never dared real intimacy, never gave ourselves completely, never risked living the providence of this life all the way down to the ash?"

What if we dropped all habits in favour of just one, the habit of being true to what we really are? What nourishes that habit? What nourishes you?

"Why were you not Zusya? While you had the chance, why were you not who you really are?"

If i answer this question right now i don't like the answer, but at least in studying the self 
i can see where the nourishment is needed.

"The real purpose of practice is to discover the wisdom which you have always been keeping with you. To discover yourself is to discover wisdom; without discovering yourself you can never communicate with anybody. In everyday life, we can pick up some glimpse of wisdom, as the polished tool of the carpenter expresses that there is wisdom in the arm of the carpenter. It is invisible; you cannot draw it and show it.
Wisdom doesn't come from anywhere; it is always there as the exact contents of awakening-it is always there and everywhere. What you can do is to uncover it, like going to the origin of a river. Have you been to the source of a river? It is a very mystic place. You get dizzy when you stay for a while. An especially big river has several sources, and the real source, the farthest point which turns to the major stream, is moist and misty, with some kind of ancient smell, and you feel cold.

You feel, "This isn't the place to go in." There is no springing water, so you don't know where the source is. Actually, such a place exists in everyone; the center of us is like that. From this place, the ancient call appears, "Why don't you know me? Living so many years with me, why can't you call my real name?" Unfortunately, we cannot travel into such place with this body and mind, but we feel there is such an origin, and from there everything starts. From that place you have come, actually, and whatever you do is returning to that spot. In one lifetime you can meet with other people, at least one other beside yourself. So, in other words, two of you discover. This is why you are continuing to live so hard.
The way to discover your origin is to listen to the one with whom you feel, "This is it!" It looks like you can do it by yourself, without others, but actually, by yourself alone you cannot discover that origin. Reaching that point, you never believe, "This is it." But pointing to another's origin directly and saying, "That's my origin," at that moment another finger appears, pointing at you, and says, "No, that's my origin." And you get dizzy. "Wait a minute, are you my teacher or are you my student?" And both say, "No, it doesn't matter. I can be your student; I'll be an ancient Buddha for you." The student says this to the teacher. Without throwing your whole life and body into others you can never reach to your own true nature. The more your understanding of life becomes clearer, and more exact, and painfully joyful, the more you feel, "I'm so bad." The one who appears and says, "No, you are not bad at all, that is the way to go," that is your teacher. Don't misunderstand-this teacher is not always a person. It can embrace you like morning dew in a field, and you get a strange feeling, "Oh, this is it, my teacher is this field."

How to go with your true self is to deeply bow to yourself and ask, "Please, let me know about myself." Because we cannot do it alone, we have to do it with someone who is able to accept our vow. Letting such an occasion occur is what supreme awakening is. It is not your creation. You just admire the place where you are and be with it, and that place is the place to meet with your teacher. It doesn't need to be some special kind of place. When you are a little bit mindful about yourself you can create such an opportunity...between your children and yourself, between your parents and yourself."

- Kobun Chino Roshi

"There is nothing new for us to study. But Buddha's teaching will give light by which you can know yourself. The light by which we can see ourselves like a mirror is Buddha's teaching."

- Shunryu Suzuki Roshi


"Suzuki Roshi was unique among all the teachers of shikantaza that i have encountered in saying that shikantaza, or zazen, is to just be ourselves."

- Reb Anderson Roshi


Last night i had another wonderful dream. What are dreams?
Dreams are karma. Sometimes karma is wonderful....
know yourself....be yourself....